I LIKE YOU, ROY. i really do.
shit, just like me back. is that so hard?
fuck, forget i ever said that.

.coolness.

so it's all just a friend thing huh? nothing much. i'm just someone you say hi to. and bye to. and interect with like everybody else.
but why did i feel so special? why did you make me feel so special. as if we had a bond. i was playing hard to get. cool and everything. but you know, i always felt like melting whenever you were there.
why? why did you have to do this. why did you have to lead me on. and now give me the cold shoulders.
i hate you. but i like you. but i hate you.
URGH.

i know why. cos i'm not good enough. cos i have a gazillion zits on my face. cos my nose is a little on the humongous side. cos i'm not photogenic.
shit you stupid pimples. shit you stupid nose. shit you stupid ugly dna.

.coolness.

arghh. ok.
i'm officially over HIM. OFFICIALLY.
gah, how silly was i?
very, very silly. he's just another pretty face.
now, i'm just feeling love-less. hahaha.

.coolness.

I LOVE SHEARMAN.
he is like super hot. omygod. i cannot believe myself.
i'm crushing!
but the problem is that he is so so goodlooking, that i bet half the girls in my school are proberbly going ga-ga over him too. urgh!
yesterday there was band. and guess what? liting now is in band too. i bet cos' she likes SHEARMAN too.
double urgh!
oh well, i'm just some ordinary girl, with pimples all over her face. (well, not all over... but still.) why would he pick me anyway? i don't think he notices me anymore.
during the first 3 weeks of school, i kinda flirted with him a lil. then gradually, we didn't meet up. so now i guess he doesn't even know i exist.

nevermind, i'll just adore his face. that'll do.

would i agree if he asked me out? i'm not sure. ps matt said it isn't right to start a relationship till like i'm older. but, if i screw that, i'll be kinda disobeying God. argh.

i think i should give SHEARMAN a code name, just in case. (many boys feel that i like SHEARMAN, but i denied) so yeah.
hmm, SG? Sex God.
nahhh. I KNOW! charmer!
yeah. me and monique's code name for him is josh though... but i don't want her to suspect.

.coolness.

i don't understand crushes. what the heck is it actually?
to me, it's just a stomachful of a bad case of pms and butterflies.
shit.

why am i so jealous. i don't even like him anyway.
do i?
i see him pratically everyday. he sees me too.
harmless stares. harmless smiles.
they don't mean a thing.
do they?

argh. i bet other girls are crushing over him too.
he wouldn't ask me out.
i wouldn't agree to it if he did anyway.
would i?

.coolness.

Love
Is like a roaring ocean
Is like a gentle dove
Can't you see?
My love
Would conquer armies
Would cross deserts
If only you would let it
Why do you refuse?
I only want to see you
To touch you
To love you
Is this too much?
Love
Can be a purring kitten
Or a galloping horse
If only you would let it
Why do you ignore me?
Why must you be so cruel?
I deduce
That the only way I can adore you
Is from afar.
So goodbye, my dear
And always remember,I love you.

aww, isn't that poem the sweetest? took it off Maddeline's blog (with her permission.)
heck, i've not been hanging around with Jesse and Eve and the whole group for aeons.
since this year started. sheesh.
they didn't even invite me to their valentine's party, but my folks won't allow it anyway. cos (i quote) "you're too young. they're older than you and it's dangerous. what if something happens?"
urghh. my folks just don't understand how stupid they sound. like what exactly will happen, hmm? we're just a bunch of friends hanging out! gee, what's wrong with that?
Eve, i need updates from you! sometime we'll go shopping alright?
when i'm free that is.

anyway, good new is my rents' are out of town. they went to nz. for about 10 days or so.
YAY.
i know, i'm mean

well, i'm going to some prayer thing at church later on.
ciao!

.coolness.

i skipped a few periods of school today. cos i went to the polyclinic to check-up for kidney failure or something. when i reached school, recess was already over.
so i msged Rochelle (i don't carry my timetable with me). math was in the library. actually, it wasn't math... more like free time. cos Mrs. Lee had to go for some meeting.

anyway. I FOUND MY SCHEDULE DIARY! thanks to Jia Yu.
thank-you Jia Yu!
it was all along in Mdm Kaur's homeroom. heck, i hope the guys in 4B hasn't read it yet. if they did, i'm so, so, so, totally finished.

Alvin gave me a clip today. for valentine's day- according to Jern Yen- but who knows?
how sweet!
thanks Alvin, it is lovely.

i'm getting sick of the blog song. hmmm.
oh my gosh. i still have loads of hw to do.

adios.

*LATEST UPDATES:
my mum finally agreed to let me join CCAB!!!
OHMYGAWD. i'm like over the moon!!!
yay! yay! yay!!!
CCAB, here i come!

.coolness.

mrs. lee doesn't have my schedule diary!!! then who has it? please, please, don't tell me it's with one of the students.
my ENTIRE life is inside. arghh!
whoever who read it can probably write a biography of me already.
wonder why i'm typing like this, w/o caps? well, cos' i'm too damn lazy to hit the shift button.

oh well. today i thought i was gonna be late for school. kept rushing myself. but, in the end, i found out that my watch was 10 mins faster.
we had to read w/o lights and fan. like what is up with that? i was like melting.

anyway, today i had the band auditions. not sure which to join. it's either the clarinet or the drums.

i know i'm too young but,
i know i'll end up hurting myself but,
i know i'll break my promise but,

i can't help it.

i'm head-over-heels. but at the same time, i'm trying to prevent it.
URGH.
why, why, why?
stupid crushes.
he is so sweet.
stupid guy.
he is so hot.
forget him.

PFFT. I'M GOING MAD.

.coolness.